Would it be possible to restate Alfie Kohn's position on giving people what they want in a more detailed way?

ChatGPT said:

Certainly. Alfie Kohn’s position on giving people what they want is rooted in his broader critique of behaviorism, extrinsic motivation, and hierarchical control in education, parenting, and workplaces. His argument is not a simple rejection of desire but a critical examination of how desires are formed, whether they are truly autonomous, and whether fulfilling them serves a person’s deeper well-being or merely reinforces problematic systems.

1. The Problem with Taking Wants at Face Value

Kohn suggests that what people want is often shaped by external influences—cultural conditioning, systemic pressures, and past experiences—rather than by a deep understanding of their own needs. He questions whether people’s expressed preferences are truly self-determined or whether they are the result of socialization into systems that prioritize compliance, competition, and extrinsic rewards.

For instance:

• Students might want high grades, not because grades represent meaningful learning, but because they have been taught that grades are the currency of success.
• Workers might want bonuses or promotions, not because they make work fulfilling, but because the workplace has been structured to make salary and status the only visible motivators.
• Parents might want their children to obey instantly, not because obedience leads to a morally sound or autonomous child, but because they have been conditioned to see control as good parenting.

2. The Risk of Reinforcing Harmful Systems

By simply giving people what they want, Kohn argues, we risk reinforcing the very systems that limit their agency and deeper fulfillment. If people are conditioned to crave rewards, competition, or control, satisfying these desires can make them more dependent on these structures rather than questioning them.

For example:

• If teachers cater to students’ desire for easier assignments or rewards, they may reinforce a system that prioritizes short-term gratification over intellectual curiosity.
• If workplaces focus on giving employees competitive incentives, they may deepen cutthroat individualism rather than fostering intrinsic motivation and collaboration.
• If parents rely on punishments and rewards to shape behavior, they may create compliance but fail to nurture ethical reasoning and genuine moral autonomy in children.

3. Moving Beyond Surface-Level Wants

Kohn emphasizes the importance of engaging people in deeper reflection about what truly supports their autonomy, growth, and well-being rather than simply fulfilling their immediate desires. This means:

• Helping students see learning as intrinsically valuable, rather than chasing grades or rewards.
• Restructuring workplaces to make work itself meaningful, rather than relying on competition and extrinsic incentives.
• Encouraging parenting that fosters connection and critical thinking, rather than control and compliance.

4. The Ethical Responsibility of Those in Power

Kohn is particularly concerned with how authority figures—teachers, parents, managers—interpret what people want. He warns against using “giving them what they want” as an excuse to avoid deeper structural change. If people want things that are ultimately disempowering, simply catering to those desires can serve as a form of soft control rather than true empowerment.

Conclusion

Kohn’s critique is not about dismissing people’s wants but about asking better questions about where those wants come from, whether they serve deep human needs, and whether fulfilling them helps or hinders long-term well-being and agency. Rather than uncritically giving people what they say they want, he urges us to examine whether their desires have been shaped by oppressive systems—and, when possible, to create conditions where people can develop deeper, more meaningful forms of motivation and fulfillment.