"The Reality of Depression and Existence
Put your hand in the air if you've ever been labeled as depressed. Okay, that's most of us, right? If you've ever been labeled as depressed and society has said that there's something wrong with you, that you need to be the one taking medication, that you need to be the one to adjust to the sick society, that you have to be the one to do the work to make yourself feel better, and that your environment has nothing to do with it. Well, honestly, I'm here to tell you that you're not depressed. You're realistic, and life is absolutely pointless. Your depression is an appropriate response to reality. People who say "be positive" are essentially saying that they want you to trick yourself into not responding to reality properly, because in order to respond to reality accurately, you basically have to be depressed. That's the only appropriate response.
This life is so repetitive and foolish, and being born is honestly a curse, especially if you're born poor and disabled. I literally can't believe how surreal it is that we're all stuck on this prison planet at the same time because two people decided to make a baby out of obligation or a backshot baby in most cases. "Life is a gift," they say. Well, I raise you this: cancer, disease, war, disability, narcissism, robbery, crime, ridicule, humiliation, exploitation, and more. And the sheep will tell you that you are depressed or crazy when you tell them the truth about this curse of life. When you question this curse of life and when you say that things shouldn't have to be this way, you're the crazy one in most cases. You're the one that has to go on medication.
We are born against our will. And then we're forced to learn a load of $\text{[expletive]}$ just to be a wage slave for 50 years to life. We're just taught how to tow the party line, to go along, to get along, and to survive. That's it. We are just born slaves essentially.
I've been to therapy, and all I got was a bunch of coping skills that don't work anyway because my environment is so unfortunate. I can't deep-breathe my way through abuse and chronic pain, but they will tell you to go to therapy anyway. And you know what? Therapy is too expensive. $250 an hour is egregious, and that's the co-pay in most cases. It's absolutely egregious how much you have to pay just to talk about your problems to someone that just mirrors back to you what you just said. I did therapy for 10 years and I'm still $\text{[expletive]}$ up in the head.
Positivity and optimism are a cover-up for the dark truth of reality. That is the cope. Those are the people that need therapy. Those are the people that need to see life through a clearer lens. Most of us don't live. We exist to survive, worse than animals, because at least animals are free. They live for free. They're doing exactly what they're programmed and biologically wired to do, and they don't question why they're here. And to me, that's a blessing. Animals are the lucky ones.
The Illusion of Survival
It's not just meaningless. It's torturous, stressful, and burdensome. It revolves around distracting ourselves from misery and suffering until we once again have to face reality, worse than before. And I would argue until we have to face the void. Eventually, we just distract ourselves. We invent all these distractions: gambling, video games, $\text{[expletive]}$, $\text{[expletive]}$, all this stuff just to avoid the banal realities of existence, because human existence is precarious, terrifying, and pointless.
Yet, we're pressured to bring more people into this life. We're told that life is a gift. We're told to be grateful for every day. And I can't stand that rhetoric at all. And on top of everything, it's boring. It's just the same $\text{[expletive]}$ every single day. No matter how much you wish something would change, it just doesn't. We haven't moved past slavery. Simply rebranded it. We're now making barely enough to survive. Slaves to money and a system. Even slaves got Sunday off. Most of us don't even have that. And I know we're not being whipped physically, but I think most of us are being verbally whipped by our supervisors. We're being treated like $\text{[expletive]}$ most of the days just to survive. And we have to put up with it. We shouldn't have to endure abuse for survival. It's not fair.
Depression is simply being more aware than others. In a twisted way, it's a good thing.
Bonus: If you wanted to self-dele before the age of 10. So, I've wanted, I've had unliving thoughts since I was 10 years old or younger. I've had self-harm thoughts since before I was eight. And I've honestly realized that the futility of existence was just not for me from a very young age, as young as I was able to be while being self-aware of what life was.
The majority of Americans are on anti-depressant medications. And instead of blaming the system, we are taught to blame ourselves because we're being gaslit in mass by capitalism, which is just not fair. If you're not rich, your life is an open-air prison. I believe that 100%. We are basically just rats in a cage. And this world might actually be another dimension of hell. And maybe we're sent here because we misbehaved in another dimension.
And most people are like, "life is sacred." Like our divine duty is to work like donkeys and brood mares in the field, just to be like cattle, you know, being led to slaughter, being led as livestock to fuel the dreams of somebody else. The Handmaid's Tale is not a work of fiction anymore. Women have nothing to gain but trauma and loss of income from relationships.
It's not a chemical imbalance. It's a natural response to a world that is miserable, too miserable to inhabit. I never asked to be here, and now I have to do this stupid $\text{[expletive]}$ just to survive. Like the level of arbitrary $\text{[expletive]}$ you have to do to survive, like eat. I know that we take eating for granted, but to be honest, the whole process of cooking, putting food in my face, going through the process of being hungry, all of this stuff is so arbitrary. Why do I have to have this meat suit to begin with? If we are spiritual creatures, why can't we just ascend automatically? Why do we have to be banished here to just suffer and forget the reason we were even brought into existence in the first place?
If you have to work a job, you have stress. If you don't have a job, you're poor and disrespected. Either way, life is hell. So, you have to choose your hell wisely. Freeways are just slave roads so we can go to our slave jobs that we then use to go back to our slave quarters only to do it again tomorrow. We just live in the endless loop of the 9 to 5. There is literally absolutely no point to continuing to do all of this stuff. We're simply just wired going through these motions day by day for what? Survival. That's it. It's just bare minimum survival.
Then if you add neurodivergence into the mix, your life is essentially on hard mode, like being a foreigner in your own country. You're going to be treated and ostracized as an outsider from day one. And good luck trying to reconcile that because we still have the same social needs as everybody else. People think people with autism don't have social needs. We just socialize in a different way. And it's difficult. I'm not saying that we don't have to learn social mores and that there isn't something to be said for cooperation, but if you're even a little bit off, if you say anything outside of the societal narrative, you're usually dogpiled and attacked verbally.
I absolutely don't know what to do with my life. I wish I didn't see life the way I do, but it's in my face every $\text{[expletive]}$ day. I don't understand how anybody can't question and can't see it. When you speak truth to power, you are silenced then killed. And we are not allowed to be the human beings we were meant to be. We could create utopias. We could create societies that are futuristic. We could do all of these things. We're capable of it. But in the next few years, the robots will replace us all anyway. And 100 years from now, it will be like we never existed in the first place. So what is the point of just trying to extend our lives, trying to live longer? What is the point of any of this? It's futile.
The only correct course of action is to run down the clock on life through any means necessary. Video games, smoking, whatever you got to do to get through. I suggest that you do it. I'm not saying that you should do hard drugs. But there is really no reason to be so preoccupied with your health that you can't enjoy a nice piece of cake or a cookie every now and again. Because at the end of the day, healthy people die young, too. Unhealthy people who smoke live to be 120. It's a roll of the dice. Good people with good values still die of unexpected causes and still suffer. Life is a purgatory that separates us from non-existence.
Rebuilding after losing everything is pointless. Building anything in the first place was hugely stupid to begin with. Why did my mom have to give birth to me? What the $\text{[expletive]}$ is this $\text{[expletive]}$? I honestly wonder what she was thinking. I know that I wasn't a backshot baby. I know that I was planned. And to me, that just says like, if my life was planned and I had parents that were prepared to have kids financially, imagine how much life sucks for someone that wasn't planned. And my life is already pretty sucky.
Simply by being the quiet one who doesn't bother anyone, you end up bothering people for not playing the political games of life or the office. And I'm tired of society telling us what to do and to be productive. Like why can't we all just collectively relax a little bit? This Gary Vaynerchuk hustle culture work-your-face-off thing is survivorship bias. He's one of the ones that survived. Olympians are survivorship bias. You can train all day long, but you'll never be Michael Phelps because you don't have those genetics. A lot of this is predetermined.
Questioning the World
Since childhood, I have always been corrected and reprimanded for thinking this way. It sucks to have no one who agrees with you. I just felt so confused. And then if I say it out loud, I'm corrected. Like, why were we born in the first place? It's just so random. Working jobs that make no difference in the world. It's pointless. And what is all the stress for? We carry it all of our lives for what? I'm trapped in a world I can't stand in a life I never asked for. You just get squeezed out of some random's vagina only to be rejected by society that you just got plopped into. Birth is no guarantee of a good life. I mean, anyone can tell you that. What do they want us to do?
Video games seem pointless to me. Even distractions can't distract me anymore. So, I've decided to talk about it.
Life is not a gift. It's a gamble, a dice roll. An RNG drop rate on a decent life is only about 5%. And I would even bargain that it's even less than that. It's 5% for it to just not be constant suffering. It's probably 0.1% to actually have a life that's worth anything other than existing in a non-suffering state. Not every hand that is dealt is a winning hand. That's the way it is. Yet, why do we have to keep playing? I want to fold my hand and cut my losses. Yet, people keep gambling with new lives anyway by bringing them onto this hellscape of a planet.
Even if you have early success, life still $\text{[expletive]}$ us all. Just look at Britney Spears, Justin Bieber, and how most lottery winners go bankrupt. Life is fundamentally broken. Las Vegas is simply a metaphor for life. And life is honestly a casino. The house always wins. There is no justice. And casinos hate winners. So even if you do beat the house, they're going to find a way to get their money back one way or the other. And life is a lot like that.
At least in a video game, you can have control. You can control the traits of your character. You can control at least what your character looks like. Not so in life. Most of us spawn in with mediocre stats, a random race and build, and no way to reach our true potential. Life has no underlying plot. It's a game that is not worth playing. Does Everyday Life seem like a video game you would want to buy? Would you stand in line on release night to be the first to buy this dumpster fire of an experience? Instead of grinding to level up your character, you grind in futility for decades just to have nothing to show for it.
At least our grandparents got a stable life out of their slave lives. Our parents and grandparents all have more than we will ever have. But they were still slaves. And the only difference is that they had enough money to justify busting their ass. They had enough money to not notice. They were kept in contentment. But there is no longer an incentive.
Life was pointless and bleak long before humans came along. But we found a way to make it even worse. We have created systems to ruin and exploit our own kind. We are worse than cannibals. We have been killing each other in mass since we were sharpening stones in the stone ages. Breeding is cruel. The constant barrage of the $\text{[expletive]}$ show of life is not worth sacrificing another innocent life to the gods of capitalism. Life honestly just sucks ass. But why? It doesn't have to be this way.
Kurt Vonnegut said that a sane person to an insane society must appear insane. And if you are being heavily medicated, you are likely the one who was seeing things the way that they were. You were the sane one in the insane society. But now you're being numbed and silenced. They numbed and silenced Britney Spears until she was no longer the same person anymore. And sometimes I wonder how much she knew that she will not never be able to speak about because they chemically lobotomized her and she can no longer remember what it was.
We live in a world where everyone is out to get you. Old people are dumb as hell and get scammed out of their whole life savings all the time because they came from a generation where they didn't have to be on their guard all the time. I mean, being in an environment like that must have been nice, but now they're paying the price for it because they still live in this hellscape of a planet. You can live your whole life, work your whole life, save your whole life, do everything right, and still get scammed like hell out of your savings at the very last quarter of life. Animals live for free while we sacrifice our life force just to have a roof. Humans make life hell for each other. There is no true cooperation. We live in a backward and barbaric $\text{[expletive]}$ world where the only, only the worst of the worst survive and thrive.
The Illusion of Free Will and Future
Nothing is free. Just think of free apps that bombard you with ads and having to pay a premium to get rid of them. Everything free comes at a cost. Most optimists are relatively young because they haven't woken up to the lie and eventually they will. It's no coincidence that the ages 15 to 25 are prime years for reproduction and also the age when we are most the most impulsive, naive, inexperienced, and exploitable. All conditions that lead to backshot babies and animalistic decision-making. I mean, God is all knowing and all-seeing. He could have easily made it so that we can only start having kids in our 30s after we were mature, but instead made it so that our most impulsive years were almost were also our prime for reproduction. It seems like a cruel trick if you ask me.
It seems that nature selected for impulsive stupid people because those are the ones that have kids. Being an outlier and a thinker doesn't make for being a good breeder or replicator. So stupid people will continue to outnumber us until the day that we die and until the end of time. Some animals only live for three or four days and exist only to reproduce. Some humans, I would argue, are the same. Nature doesn't care how many die so long as the strong survive. And I refuse to be a replicator. Any animal can be a replicator. It takes no skill other than the luck of having good genes that are worthy of being passed on. In other words, being an eight out of 10. If you have that going for you, there's it's just it's easy street. For the rest of us, we die without passing on our genes, and it's probably for the best. Short-term replicators make up the majority of people, which is why humanity is dumb as hell and collectively cooked.
Why do we have to speed through lives, through our lives in the first place? Like mental stability is overlooked. And what are we supposed to do and what we're supposed to pursue is very toxic. If we can't make money as fast as we can, we are branded as losers. Most of us are set up to fail before we even know all the rules. This alone is enough to not have children. We are expected to make life-altering decisions at such a young age before we even have experienced life.
Humans are not rational creatures. We are smart enough to build nuclear weapons but not smart enough to end war in the first place so the weapons wouldn't be necessary at all. We are the descendants of humans who created systemic suffering, blindly throwing us into the $\text{[expletive]}$ hole of a planet. We are the descendants of selfish idiots. People who see the world clearly usually have past trauma followed by empathy. Men especially are not allowed to express anything other than anger. And I would argue that women are not allowed to express anger at all. It seems like you have to be out for yourself like a sociopath in order to survive. Why are things the way they are? We all ask questions as children until we are conditioned out of it. Those of us who refuse to be conditioned in this way and refuse to conform are usually medicated, ostracized, and labeled as difficult.
Many exploited people don't think critically about life and are at the effect of uncontrollable circumstances. The more educated a person is, the less likely they are to have kids because having kids is a stupid thing to do. When people have options, they opt out. Many people would rather stay in denial than accept the harsh realities of the situation.
Temperance and minimalism is a way to avoid being controlled by society. When you don't need more, you can't be controlled. When you ignore consumerism and the dissatisfaction that it manufactures, you can avoid being a good consumer and a worker being.
Everyone thinks that bad things and tragedies will never happen to them. This of course isn't true. This is the mindset of a breeder and a short-term replicator and someone who is a sheep. Few people have the time and energy to question the rat race. Most people are just focused on themselves and too focused on that to care about the big picture solutions. "It's just the way it is," they say, and that's a copout. Chasing desires is just a distraction. If there is no stopping suffering, then the only solution is to break the cycle by not breeding. Most people would prefer to remain in delusion than face existential dread. Religious religion is one of the biggest delusions.
It's no wonder that so many people feel hopeless, depressed, and unmotivated. Modern philosophers tell us to blame ourselves when in reality it is outside of our control. We are not meant to be responsible for the tragedies that life throws at us. It's just a random roll of the dice. And where we come from seals our fate. Most people will never overcome their upbringing. How many should have been doctors who were born in circumstances where they never had the opportunity? Even grade school students are suffering from depression at record levels. If you are unlucky, then you can expect to be blamed. We are all reflections of our environment whether you want to be or not. If you have been blamed for being a failure and lazy, just remember this rhetoric is from a privileged social Darwinist who has never struggled a day in their life.
It's crazy how much food waste restaurants and grocery stores throw away. We could feed all of the people on the planet if we wanted to. Homeless people are punished for dumpster diving even though it's just trash because the idea is not that we don't have enough food, that we're allocating resources in a way where poor people can't have access to it. Every day has become a struggle just to get by. There is no such thing as planning for a future that's only going to get worse. The middle class is dead and you are either rich or poor. All that lies ahead is a dystopian future. By not having kids, you are protecting them.
We are nothing more than firing synapses and chemical reactions. Our likes and dislikes are like a software program. We are running on autopilot most of the time. We change over time based on external input. We change and become different. It's true. I've been multiple different people over the course of my life. But then how can you argue that we have an immutable soul within our physical body? Once our brain activity stops, we cease to exist. We go nowhere just as we were nowhere before birth. Death makes life completely pointless.
Only humans question existence and for what? It sucks to know this and it's all for nothing. I hate when people say another person can't make you feel like $\text{[expletive]}$ unless you allow them to. We all know this is not true. We have a god-like consciousness trapped in the body of an animal. We can make a utopia, a heaven on earth, but instead most of us are trapped in our lower-level desires. All we are is a self-aware ape that is too smart for its own good. There is no evidence of the afterlife or reincarnation. So, it's just wishful thinking made by people who can't cope with death.
I'm heavily suspicious of happy people. Anyone who is well adjusted in this society is suspect. We, the misfits, see truth more clearly and we are more attacked. I hope we can all come together and realize that we are not alone.
In all honesty, remember this. Your depression means that you have something right with you. If you're depressed right now and you're going through a mental struggle, of course you are, because who wouldn't be going through a mental struggle in this society? The insane ones are the ones who are not on medication. I think they say over half of Americans are on psychiatric medication now. We're one of the most depressed nations in the world. But instead of saying, "why, why is this environment so poisonous that we have to change our brain chemistry with drugs in order to cope with it?" Why can't we change the box that we're stuffing people into instead of expecting people to adapt to the box?"
Shelby
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