Then the sense of life being effortful kicked in. Everything began to seem like such an enormous overwhelming effort. I would think to myself, oh, I should have some lunch. And then I would think, but I have to get the food out. And put it on a plate. And cut it up. And chew it. And swallow it. And it began to seem like the stations of the cross. Then I would think, oh, I should have a shower, but I just couldn't organize myself enough for that.
One of the things that frequently gets lost in descriptions of depression is that the depressed person often knows that it is a ludicrous condition to feel so disabled by the ordinary business of quotidian life. And so, while (the depression) was going on, I became annoyed at myself, because I knew that what I was experiencing was idiotic. It was nonetheless vivid and physical and acute, and I was helpless in its grip.
Andrew Solomon
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