The mean streets of Bourton
(Tambourine shakes, horns stab)
Ooh, yeah!
Listen now!
Talking 'bout the Cotswolds, baby!
(Hey!)
The rough side of Bourton!
(Hey!)
The mean streets of Stow!
(Hey!)
Let's go!
Verse 1
Woke up this morning, mist upon the lane
Another hard day's struggle in the pouring rain
Down in Bourton-on-the-Water, trouble's on the rise
Saw a pensioner glare at me with anger in his eyes
They call it Chipping Campden, but there ain't no chips around
Just artisan bakeries charging seven pounds
The church bells keep ringing, but they can't ease my soul
Living in the Cotswolds is taking its toll
Chorus
Oh, these Cotswold streets are mean and tough
Sometimes a cream tea just ain't enough
No fields of gold, no easy ride
Just Range Rovers parked on every side
Lord help the children trying to survive
In the deepest, darkest Cotswolds staying alive
(Staying alive!)
Yeah, staying alive!
Verse 2
Mama's in the kitchen crying over tax
The second home's gone up another half a million, Jack
They say Stow-on-the-Wold is where a man can find relief
But the antique shops are causing me grief
My brother took a wrong turn by the National Trust café
Paid twelve pounds for a sandwich and they took his dreams away
You gotta hustle hard just to make a little pay
When the tourists block the pavement every single day
Chorus
Oh, these Cotswold streets are mean and tough
Sometimes a cream tea just ain't enough
No fields of gold, no easy ride
Just Range Rovers parked on every side
Lord help the children trying to survive
In the deepest, darkest Cotswolds staying alive
Bridge
(Horns answer the lead singer)
They paint a pretty picture in the travel magazines
But they don't know the hardship hidden in the scenes
Backing vocals:
Tell 'em now!
Don't talk to me about honey-coloured stone
When the waiting list for brunch is forty minutes long!
Backing vocals:
Too long! Too long!
Don't talk to me about that peaceful village square
When somebody's Labradoodle's running everywhere!
Backing vocals:
Everywhere!
Horn Break
Final Chorus
Oh, these Cotswold streets are cold and wild
Every farmer's market drives me out my mind
No place to go, no place to hide
The hedge fund managers own both sides
Lord help the children trying to survive
In the deepest, darkest Cotswolds staying alive
Outro
Cotswolds...
It's a concrete jungle, baby!
(Backing vocals)
Concrete jungle!
Broadway Tower looking down on me
But I'm just searching for a reasonably priced property
(Backing vocals)
Not gonna find it!
Cotswolds...
Trouble in the neighbourhood...
(Fade out with bass, tambourine, handclaps, and increasingly frantic cries of "Bourton! Bourton! Bourton!")
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